I hate to be loved when I am in my time of hunger. It is the time when I am drugged by lamps and what they mean for a street at night; by grandiosity and what it means for the common man. It is when I am buckets of blood and other things bodymade: the desire and the deformation. I hate to be loved when I am so far away inside myself. I was on the balcony of palaces I found by tiny wooden boats; I was on the balcony during the hail-storm one summer afternoon; I was the drapes pulled open and shut, and the glass. No fingerprints, pure. And when you love me I am wound. I am principessa. I am carriage and abudant, but more hunger. I hate to be loved when I cannot be in the country of my body. Where I am so moved by the holy spirit that I believe it. That I say hear me and it says yes, girl. That’s what you do to me. You make me change; you turn shame into want; you make me into a girl who pours her breasts into her father’s face; you make me stand at attention; you make me burn at the end or burn at the cross for spells that never worked; you make me bathe in rooms without curtains, blooming me into your cript, even when I know it’s a trick, when I’m tricked.
a hunger that has two names
All of us wading through stage curtains to find something true. There is nothing in the box, my darling, just candles. Though, we were the side-show, the lamentable trough of us bodies boy and bodies girl and bodies spirit. Our bodies were bred to lie. They said we were not of this world. We were on the Austrian news in the morning. We sweat baroque. We coughed up blood. There is nothing in the box, my love, just fabric. We were in beds besides one another, arms and arms and legs and legs wrapped and unwrapped and faking and faking. And the pink eye and the shared eyeliner and the champagne and the start again.
Lisa Marie Basile is the author of Apocryphal (Noctuary Press) and a few chapbooks, including Andalucia (Poetry Society of New York) and war/lock (Hyacinth Girl Press). She’s the editor-in-chief of Luna Luna Magazine. Her work has been published in Best Small Fictions, Tarpaulin Sky, The Atlas Review, PANK, The Rumpus, Huffington Post, the Tin House blog and Ampersand Review. She's also a journalist and editor. Entropy recently named one of her essays a Best-Read for 2016.